dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
