Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
