My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
