I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
