Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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