I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
