Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
As shirtless as possible
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
