what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
