You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
