my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
