I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
