Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He did a backflip because drugs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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