People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
