His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i drank out of a bidet.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
