yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
