Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
