Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
