I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
