Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
