He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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