so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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