Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
