i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
