did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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