I wish I could teleport
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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