I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
