If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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