you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
