well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
