I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
