loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
