i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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