Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
