Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
