I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
