she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
