she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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