I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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