My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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