So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
