I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
