My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
