I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
