I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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