I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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