just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It all started with a game of naked twister.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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