Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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