just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
