Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
