Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
