I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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