You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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