my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
