I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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