fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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