It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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