don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
