she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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