I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
